Jaded and Sorrowful

One of these days, I swear I will write about something more upbeat and joyful. However, it seems that certain seasons of life just lend themselves to bottles of tears instead of rays of sunshine.

I sat down tonight, tucked away in a corner of the kitchen, trying to escape the little innocent eyes of my daughters so I could cry without being seen--one little set of eyes was a bit too in tune with mommy's "mood", and soon I felt two sweet little arms wrapped around my pathetic heaving shoulders. Which of course melted my heart, and reminded me of the way I spent my morning.

Today was the first day of a new Single Mom's Group at my church..."Soul-O Moms"--cute name, huh! The leaders of our group decided to let us each share our stories so we could get acquainted...I'm just not sure they expected it to turn in to a room full of empathetic tears and "pass the kleenex box" moments. As I sat and listened to each woman, my eyes were like 2 leaky faucets that, in spite of the plumbers efforts, would not stop. Every story held its own overwhelming sadness and an underlying theme of what anyone would call "injustice." And although we all trust the Lord that brighter days are ahead, we all have aches and pains that make daily living a little bit more challenging. Even the acute sense of awareness that "it could be so much worse" doesn't do a whole lot to quench the thirst for immediate pain relief.

My heart left my chest and took up residency in each woman as her mouth formed words that felt all too familiar, and seemed a little bit less comfortable back in my own body with each return. And yet this is why we were there...to reach out to those sharing the same struggles and to encourage each other to try to pick up the pieces of our broken dreams and start rebuilding. I felt strangely thankful for the sorrowful morning, but I couldn't help feeling intensely jaded toward men as a general "race". Not a single woman in that room deserved what the men in their lives dished out to them. And after my own repetitive heartbreak over the man I love, I seem to be wanting to run, not walk, away from every man I've ever known or could come to know. One can only get a heart-thrashing so many times before she finally decides it's just not worth it.

Seriously, God, is this what you had in mind when you first created Adam? I highly doubt it!