No More Than I Can Handle...Right?

I have always considered myself a very strong woman--able to continue pouring out even when I feel drained; able to consider the glass always half FULL, not empty; able to exude joy even when circumstances are creating emotional turmoil; and able to see the bigger picture and keep pressing on in faith. From the time I was little, I believed that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle."

However, sometimes there are those moments, hours, days, weeks, or even months that feel like it truly is way more than I can handle. Serve me up a platter of one issue at a time, and I can devour it in no time, ready for the next. But present a buffet of four or five of them at once, and I will try to put it all on my plate, nibbling away at each as much as possible until I feel so "stuffed" that I burst!

That is where I am--but the buffet is not one that any person in his/her right mind would actually choose to partake in. It is filled with shattered dreams, broken hearts, confused and sad children, sick and expensive animals, overwhelming responsibilities, and often irrational meltdowns (from the kids and mommy).

Yes, "this too shall pass," and we will come out stronger (I hope) and grateful for God's mercy. But that's AFTERWARDS...what about now? When will I feel like I can take a deep breath and not breath in my own sorrow? When will I stop snapping at the girls simply because I cannot contain my own emotions? When will my girls look at me and see peace and not turmoil? When will my heart feel strong enough to stand up and say, "YOU may NOT treat me this way" (to the man who's ripped out my heart and stomped all over it) and then actually follow through with setting those boundaries? When will I be that strong woman I've always believed myself to be?

Please do not misunderstand me, I do believe God is bigger than all of this. There's just one small hurdle...I am HUMAN, and I hurt, I fear, I crumble, I stumble, I fail, I cry, I scream, and I barely hang on to the edge sometimes...and I look at the Lord with tearstained cheeks and cry out, "Really? No more than I can handle? Are you kidding me?!"