Can't Keep Getting in the Stinkin' Cocoon!

Sometimes life can look a little "redundant"...especially for those of us who seem to have an inherent need to learn the same lessons over and over again! Throughout the last 15 years of my life, I have undoubtedly had some life-lessons that have rocked my world...and each one was as if I could physically feel the metamorphosis within my soul...leaving me stronger, wiser, and eternally grateful for making it through to the other side.

One would think that after emerging from each experience feeling like a butterfly, returning to the caterpillar stage, being trapped in a cocoon for suffocatingly long periods of time and having to allow my wings to dry once again would NOT be a desirable choice. Apparently, however, that is exactly the choice I've made more times than I'd like to admit. Life lessons are meant to take you through the "mire" and produce a more beautiful being, and ideally create such a powerful impact that you don't have to go through it again...or if you do, it's easier and a heck of a lot more efficient.

Here I am, 36 years old, a sinlge mother of three, and once again, I feel like I've gotten back in that stinkin' cocoon somehow...I started out as a carefree caterpillar, enjoying the beauty around me, eating all within my reach and feeling fulfilled...and then suddenly that world got rocked and I'm "trapped". Or, as Wikipedia describes it, it's like this:

"In the life of an insect the pupal stage follows the larval stage and precedes adulthood (imago). It is during the time of pupation that the adult structures of the insect are formed while the larval structures are broken down. Pupae are inactive, and usually sessile (not able to move about). They have a hard protective coating and often use camouflage to evade potential predators."

Doesn't sound like a totally fun process to me, but that's exactly what's happening...certain "structures" within me are being broken down and as a result have rendered me "sessile"...I can't move! The part I feel I'm missing is the protective coating, which I could really use right now to keep out those "potential predators."

I don't know how long it will be until I emerge from the cocoon this time around, but two things I know for sure, 1) I will once again experience a metamorphosis that will make me stronger, and 2) When my wings dry, I will embrace that beauty and the ability to fly once again.

My Mom is Someone Who Never Gives Up

For Christmas, my daughter received a princess journal that has several areas where questions are asked and the owner of the journal gets to "fill in the blanks." In one section, I noticed she had described me as "someone who never gives up." I took a deep breath and felt my heart overflow with joy...and relief...relief that even when I feel like I'm not doing a fabulous job being a single parent, my daughters see that I'm not giving up.

I will fight 'til the bitter end for them and for what I believe to be true and right. No matter what we may be facing, I find such amazing joy in the moments when my 5 year old looks me in the eyes and whispers, "I love you, mommy", or when my 7 year old hands me a masterpiece of artwork and says, "I made this especially for you, mom" or when my 9 year old turns to a stranger and says, "My mom is so strong."

I know I'm not a perfect parent (who is?!), but I do know that God trusts me enough to loan me these amazing little girls, and I feel so blessed to share my life with them.