Kirby

This past Wednesday, I decided to take my children on an adventure...and therefore took myself on one too. I have been wanting to show my husband different ways we can try to be more creative with cutting back on expenses, so I picked the one day I'm not responsible for taking anyone to school (because that requires having 4 children in my car and getting two of them to school by 11:45am)...and we rode THE BUS!!! or shall I say two buses! It was Bible Study day for mommy, so we would need to be at the church by 9am.

At about 7:35am, my two older daughters shouted down from upstairs to ask if they could play "baby" and put on my youngest's diapers. I quickly responded, "No, please get dressed and hurry down to eat...we are taking the bus today, and we have to eat and get out the door in 25 minutes or we'll miss it. They were excited and tried to comply...but we all know kid time is often vastly different from adult time. So, at 3 minutes past 8am, I began to get mommy stress..."hurry up, please, we have to go NOW!" I managed to grab everything, shove it into a backpack, throw the stroller in the car and buckle in my children in about 1 minute flat. We were at the park-n-ride by 8:11am. The bus was coming at 8:13am...but I suppose my clock was slow b/c we ended up having to wait for the 8:28am bus. Oh well! As it pulled up, we gathered our 500 items (as is the norm with three children under 6), collapsed the stroller and got on the bus.

I was trailing behind my 5 & 3 year olds, carrying my one year old, and trying to keep up. I paid the fare and looked up to see them at the VERY BACK of the bus...and there was not an empty spot on the bus. I squeezed my way to the back and tried towiggle in between the two of them, but my three year old protested because she wanted to sit next to her sister. I tried to sit on the other side of her, and managed to sit ON her instead! that didnt' go over too well. As I finally sat down, I shamefully looked up into the face of the stranger that I was suddenly uncomfortably rubbing shoulders with. He had a kind face, and an even kinder smile. I apologized, and he quickly said "No problem." Phew...I was in the clear.

After a few silent moments, I decided to make small talk by telling him that I had left the itinerary at home (which I had strategically printed out the night before). He laughed, and then quickly offered to help. And it just so happened that he knew exactly which route I should take and which bus to hop on at the main depot in Boulder. As we sat smashed like sardines, the girls began to get hungry and ask for snacks. I explained tha tthey would have to wait. My three year old said, "I don't wanna take the bus. I want to go in the car." I said, "why?" "Because this isn't fun, mommy." I said, "sure it is (yeah right)." I think I was trying to convince myself as well as her. But inside, I began thinking, my children are so priveleged...and it's because of the blessing of being able to drive everywhere we want....man, we should do this more often so they realize it's not always so easy. Okay, so back to the story...

When we got off at the depot to change buses, our friend, Kirby (as the girls had sweetly found out), walked over and handed the girls each a granola bar...how kind! We went inside to wait, and I bought the girls a drink to share...again, they showed their "over-priveleged selves" by asking to each have their own. But once we sat down, all was well again, and we gratefully sipped our drink together. Kirby reminded us that we had about 9 more minutes 'til the next bus would arrive. We got on together, and the girls were so fond of him by now that they had to sit with him...and even argued over who could sit right by him. It was quite sweet. We reached our drop-off, said our good-byes, and began our 1 mile (I think) trek from the bus stop to the church.

It was only about 42 degrees that day, and it seemed like such a long walk. But as we walked, I began to feel warmth flooding my heart. For I knew that "Kirby" was the angel God had sent to make that challenge a bit easier. Maybe he was a real man, and maybe we will see him again some day...but maybe he really was an angel. Either way, I knew that my God did not leave or forsake me when I needed Him.

The girls and I learned a lot that day...a lot about each other, about ourselves, and about our Abba Daddy. He loves us, and He blesses us when we are obedient and pure in heart. Oh, but just so you don't expect to see us on that bus every Wednesday, I'm not so sure we will brave that trek this winter. We'll give it another shot when it's a bit warmer.

It's a good thing God is in control!

Do you ever feel like you just can't do anything well? Not right...just well. I have been feeling that way for a few weeks now...like I am not doing anything well--not doing well at parenting, not doing well at being a wife, not doing well and surrendering to God, not being a good steward of money, not managing my time well, not eating well, and not being a very good vessel for the Lord.

I just want so much to be used by Him, and I want to be that quiet and gentle presence in my husband's, kids', and friends' lives. But I am so far from that lately, and my spirit is drowning in sorrow. It's a good thing that God is in control...because He sure can make beauty of my mess!

I'm waiting, Lord, lying on my back, arms open wide, just wanting to be all You created me to be. Please forgive me for not surrendering my all to you. Please use me in spite of my flaws. I want to jump up and run into Your arms. You are my Rock and Fortress...and Praise You for being my Redeemer!!! I love you, Lord.